We send holiday greetings from the Pruitt household. That’s right this is one of those quaint “information” letters sent out at Christmas. Here’s a bit of what we have been up to over that past few months: About July Leslie was already thinking about Christmas when he asked if I would like a fur coat to wear this winter. I was taken aback and mentioned that it was not really politically correct to harvest fur for this purpose. He said not to worry about that and he put me to collecting the road kill that shows up after those warm summer evenings. I am either going to have to loose a few pounds or find another kill or two if I want to have it done come zero weather. If you happen to spot something on the roadside by all means give me call.
In turn I could have bought Leslie a new car but with a bottle of “Super Synthetic Motor Slide” you almost can’t hear those valves rattling and knocking. Campaign time is always great too because you can hide those unsightly dents and scratches with bumper stickers. Who needs a new Lexus when you can have a Chevy with every party’s sticker making a colorful statement. This is also eco friendly by not sending another rust trap to the dump and we are recycling those bumper stickers because those guys that lost will most certainly run again so we have a head start on the next election. We have also decided given the economic crunch to not take that trip to the beaches of Jamaica this year. Leslie is going to set the water softener up for extra cycles and we can just stand under the shower and feel the spray of salt water in our faces. A plus is that neither one of us will have to be seen in bathing suit. I told him he could wear his sunglasses if he wanted to. In another effort to help and save money I have tried to be more creative with leftovers. A bit of food coloring here and a dash of paprika there can disguise somewhat. Al Gore would be proud because I have also discovered that if those leftovers last for more than a few meals I can always dim the lights, use candles for ambiance and maybe Leslie won’t know it was the same beef and noodles from 4 days prior. Look at all the energy we are saving.
I know you are wondering about our dog Shelby. Sure you are. Two adults without children and they have a dog they dote on …you just can’t wait to hear all the cute things she does. She almost has her training of us complete. We pretty much do whatever she wants whenever she wants it. I know my place in the pecking order in the house. I once had aspirations of moving up in rank but no more. The family was riding around in the car one afternoon when Leslie had to stop abruptly. In doing so Shelby slid out of the back seat onto the floor. My head hit the doorpost by the windshield. Leslie kept asking me (while I was nursing the goose egg on my forehead) if I thought Shelby had gotten hurt. I told him that I had hit my head and he kept saying he sure hoped that Shelby wasn’t injured. Thankfully I didn’t need medical attention because I doubt if the vet’s office was open on Sunday afternoon. As they say at the end of the movies “no animals were injured in this story”.
We did have a bit of a concern with my cat. We decided that she was showing signs of possibly having an eating disorder because she sat on the bathroom scales all the time. I told Leslie only those with tendencies toward anorexia would spend so much time on the scales. So in an act of intervention I hid the bathroom scales. Alas Leslie and I can’t step on them but that is a small sacrifice for the psychological welfare of Fluffy. Everything is pretty much as usual on the farm; cows getting out, equipment breaking down, costs of planting and fuel going up, price of grain going down. I am still working away from home and with the looks of my 401 (not so O.K.) I have been brushing up on my skills for my after I reach 65 job. How does this sound ”Hi welcome to Wal-Mart”.
If you happen to drive by you will see that we have our Christmas lights up. I got a really good after holiday deal a couple years ago on some outdoor lights. The problem is that the only color they had left was red. I had no idea how many people were partial to red lights. We have all sorts of strange men stopping in just to say “Seasons Greetings”. So with this we say best wishes to all our family and friends that we hold dear. May your year hold good health, happiness and good fortune and if fortune doesn’t find you I can give you some pointers on disguising leftovers.
Merry Christmas from down on the farm